For Better or Worse

As I prepare to graduate next month, I sometimes think about my marriage. Initially, I wanted to be a blessing to my wife, her kids and my daughter. Now that I'm officially divorced (final papers came today in the mail). I do not have that opportunity. I went through a lot of emotions and setbacks during my time in school. I wonder what would have happened if I had decided to stay, instead of leaving. I felt I had no choice at the time. If I would have thought long and hard about my vows, maybe that would have sustained me. The portion which states "for better or worse" should have been my response instead I decided to protest. I had a conversation with my mother about it and she thinks I should be happy because she thinks my ex did not want to be married. The truth is, I am not happy about it. What is success if you cannot share it with those you love. My daughter, if the Lord says the same will be blessed yet, my ex and her kids will kind of be on the outside looking in. I tried to reconcile but I was unsuccessful. I can only imagine how I will feel when I go across the stage. It will be bitter sweet. I did this for her and our family. Yet, even now as I type this blog; there will be a sadness about it all. It is funny how things work out. I really know now what my vows means. Its just too bad that I found out too late. God forgive me.