When Anger Visits

Sometimes anger can be an ally, other times its an enemy. The bible tells us to be angry but sin not. Yet, how often does that take place. People frustrate us, people abuse us, use us, all kinds of things. Yet, the bible tells us not to sin inspite of this. The key is not to get angry. Just avoid the emotion if possible. There is righteous anger, which the Lord Himself has. Yet, we too often get caught up in the situations we find ourselves in and sin. The Lord is incapable of sin. He became sin that he may condemn sin in the flesh. Thank you, Jesus. Yet, you and I have trouble with anger. The bible says that the Lord is slow to anger, we must be like that. Dont get caught up in that madness whatever it is. No matter what it is. We should be slow to anger. The bible tells us that a soft answer turn away wrath. This is best.

Keep It Simple

Life is complex. We spend the first few years desiring comfort as babies. The next few are spent trying to figure out this existence. The early adult years are spent looking for things to get into no matter how ridiculous some of it may be all for the sake of having "fun". We work and work and work and work. Perhaps we have children, get married, divorced, get married again, etc etc etc. Sometimes we are bored with our lives, not realizing the simple things are the best things. Learning for example should be simple. Life is complex because we shun the simplicity of life. We always want more. Money, cars, clothes, relationships, etc. Right about now, Im just trying to keep things simple. Like the old African warrior, Bud Johnson says in his articles, "I wonder if anyone knows where I'm coming from?"

I met this girl...

You know sometimes God gives you something you can refuse to give yourself. In my case, He sent a sister by. She is cool like some jazz and a hot plate of soul food. Yeah, I had better watch myself. I cant make this more than what it is. Its just nice to have someone to talk to. Straight cool like that.

R.I.P. Leroy

You know life is amazing. Sometimes you will see someone and not realize that its the last time you will see them. My auntie and her long time boyfriend came to my graduation. He just passed away yesterday, car crash. His last words to me was to pray for him and my auntie. They seemed tired.I could tell in his voice, he was just that, tired. So many things on his mind. I invited him to church, particularly Sunday School to hear me teach but he wasnt sure if they were going to make it. I knew that they had to get back home for work, but I didnt think it was going to be my last time seeing him. You just never know. I'm gonna miss him. He always had a smile for me. The scripture that comes to mind comes from the book of James in the bible. Life is but a vapor, it appears and vanishes.

Thoughts of the Day

Jena,La.
A small town with a big problem. Unless you have been under a rock then you know about the Jena 6. Six Black kids are being prosecuted and charged for beating a white student. Tensions have been high between Black and white and as a result, what we have here is small town justice coming down on just us. It's sad. So, what do you do when the odds are stacked? You call for a protest and bring every one able to come down to the town. This is a case where the punishment is not fitting the crime. Now its a wait and see game. If they (meaning the courts sentence these young men to 22 years in prison, its is going to be bananas. I hope they do the right thing, otherwise a whole lot of wrong will take place.

OJ OJ OJ OJ

Ah forget it. He doesn't get it. He is going to pretty soon.

The Residue of Divorce

The residue of divorce. I call it such because it forces you to do a number of admistrative things you wouldn't so much care to do. Those things like changing 401K beneficiaries, medical and dental benefits information and what not. Since my divorce was made final in August, Im just not getting around to the paperwork of my life changing event. It sucks but it is what it is. Strangely enough it doesn't force you to think about the person, that actually happens everyday surprisingly. Its just one of those things where you are like, "well if I die, do I really want this person to get more money?" LOL Seriously, divorce is no joke, it hurts, it causes pain unfathomable and it can be frustrating. It is what it is. More than ever I can understand why God says in Malachi that He hates divorce. It causes a lot of ugliness and makes innocents cry. I was fortunate my child did not suffer but it does set a horrible example of family life. How can we tell our children that marriage is important and great and turn around and run from it? I am guilty, God help my ex and I to be better people fit for marriage.

Texans Steamrolled Carolina

Well, The Texans are 2-0. Man that feels good. Carolina took a good beating.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/5139203.html

Indy is next.

Celebration? Anyone?

Well,

I have lived to see my 40th birthday. Thank God. Tommorow I will be graduating with a bachelor's degree. Life is good. However, I must say that I am not all that happy. Life without my wife of seven years is kind of empty of sorts. I went to school, wrote those papers, did the work, only to wind up by myself. My ex has moved on emotionally. Yes, I still see her but she doesn't cut for me the same. I thought maybe she would have put something together for me, but no. She did give me a card, a card stating how good of a man I was. Yet, not good enough to take back. Its no secret that I am struggling without her fully in my life. Gone are those kisses, and loving, gone are those tight hugs. Strangely enough, I am putting off the inevitable which is fully moving on without her presence. Its hard. I do still love her. People keep telling me that I will find someone right for me. Yet, Its no encouragement based on the way I feel. I am happy for my parents who will see me walk across the stage. Something that probably should have taken place at least 10 to 15 years ago. My daddy who is a college graduate, will be able to say that his son is a college graduate as well. My daughter can say she saw daddy graduate from college. So I am thankful to God for that. Yet, for myself I am not as happy. It is what it is. Tonight I celebrated alone. A steak dinner which I cooked and watched an old movie called The Warriors. I am sadden at the events that have taken place in my life. Yet, God has been good to me. Yes He has. Hopefully, I will be able to enjoy tommorow. I just cant believe I am alone. God told me I would be and its not that I didnt believe Him, its just hard for me to take in some ways. I cant fault my ex for what has befallen me. It is my task and burden to bear. Perhaps someday I can look back and smile, knowing that God blessed me through all the pain; Self inflicted and other wise.

Culture Vs. Commitment

The culture we presently live in is hellish for lack a better word. The culture has a way of influencing one to do and participate in things that are not conducive to a honest to goodness relationship with God. I bring up the culture because on a website I recently visited they said that 70 percent of Black women are single. The family fabric in which Black people live in America has been torn to shreds literally. Black Women are more financially prosperous and devestated more than ever. The contridiction exists primarily because of the lack of Black men and their commitment to family. Divorce in America is over 50 percent. It is said that when White America has a cold, Black America has a pnemonia. So a majority of Black households are headed by a single parent. That parent more often times than not is a Black woman. Women are being deserted and have been forced to take a major role in the raising of Black children. The culture at large has promoted this through media channels. What happened? How has the culture changed the mindset of people? It is tougher to today to afford housing, food and neccessities. More and more people are opting to cohabitate which is a fancy word for shacking. Traditionally, Black people are a conservative socially. Our families are our community and that has been redefined because many Black men are cowards and fearful of commitment. Its easier to be a player and impregnant women than to marry them. Being a Black man I have experienced the ups and downs of cohabitation and marriage. Its demanding, its frustrating, and toxic if one is not of a sound mind. God's plan is for men and women to marry. Yet we see, homosexuals engaging in maritial covenants which is not something God ordained. The culture has moved into a realm of selfishness where people do not follow the commandments of the Lord but the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Black men must return to a higher standard of living by committing fully to children they produce and Black women must support that vision that God Himself ordered. People try to live a secular lifestyle but God never called anyone of us to do so. We must return to God and honor His authority by pursuing His commitment to excellence. It is what it is.

Texans Did That!!

Well,

As your ingenious one predicted the Texans decapitated the Chiefs before a soldout our crowd at Reliant Stadium 20 to 3. Mario Williams finally had a big game which is good. Maybe we will now move on with our lives and forget the madness of passing Vince Young and Reggie Bush. The team played a great game. You cant ask for more than that. WAY TO GO TEXANS. Next up is Carolina.
Check out John McClain's blog, its hot.
http://blogs.chron.com/nfl/

When Its Dead... Its Dead

I have been struggling with the end of my seven year marriage to my wife for a long time now. I have cried. I have been angry. I have even been mad. I have had emotions run through me furiously. Now I am at the end of the whirlwind. I was thinking about the scriptures in 2 Samuel 12:1-23 which states:
1 The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
4 "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."
7 Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'
11 "This is what the LORD says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.' "
13 Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD."
Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, [a] the son born to you will die."
15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18 On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."
19 David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."
20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
21 His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"
22 He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me".

The child in my own life was my marriage. I made some critical errors in my marriage. I tried to get it back on track but it was too little too late. Now just like that dead child, I have to let it go. Now it is time to clean up. Go and worship. Set a table for my future. I don't want go about it alone but in this season in time it is best. Will I marry again? Only God knows. I am okay either way.

"Are U Ready For Some Football!!!!"

Well,
Its that time of the year. FOOTBALL. Okay, people say it with me this time with more feeling. FFFOOOTTTBBBAAALLLL!!!!!!!!
First victim is the Kansas City Chiefs. Already. Even though I will be at church, I am sure I will catch the second half of the game. I'm not a sport analyst but I do believe that we will hand the Chiefs their head on a platter. If I had to guess, I say we will win 24-17.

To conquer Goliath

"These are tough economic times, especially for African-Americans, for whom the unemployment rate is more than 10%. Alarmingly, rather than belt-tightening, the response has been to spend more. In many poor neighborhoods, one is likely to notice satellite dishes and expensive new cars" (Digital Digest, 2006).

Lets face reality, African Americans and I have a serious spending problem. One of the areas of challenge that my pastor laid out for me was in the area of finances. I have avoided this problem like a plague. Yet, in avoiding such problem, I have increased the problem itself. Now its time for some damage control and repair. I want a house. I realize that the probability of owning a house in my current state is in the area of "miracles". With out God its just not happening. That doesn't mean that I can't get it after all with God all things are possible. Yet, I know that God would really have me to put myself in a position to get those things in my life without a miracle. God does not always promote one until some leg work is done. I have a lot of leg work to do. I look into my closet and see shoes and clothes and "stuff" I dont need. Now its time clean it up and clean it out. How are your finances? Some people specialize in this area. I realize for me its a weakness. Now its time to get strong. I need to find my five stones so I can battle this Goliath in my life. What about you?

Unplugged

Today was labor day. I didn't do much out of the ordinary. Usually labor day is a time to fire up the pit, enjoy family and relax. Yet, I did not do much of that. Well, except for the relaxing. I cut off my cell phone today. I just did not want to really talk to anyone. I met with my pastor this morning. It was a good meeting. He challenged me in some areas that I have been struggling with. We talked a bit about my divorce and life afterwards, family issues and things like that. After that I went and washed some clothes. I need a washing machine and dryer. Afterwards, I was supposed to take my daughter to the movies but the rain kept us at home. I then laid down for a much needed nap. I then had to go to school tonight. My ex-wife called me at home but I was not home when she called. I still have not talked to her. As much as I miss her I thought it was about time that she missed me for a change. It was okay because I usually talk to her daily but I think its about time that we really leave each other alone to really get on our lives. I still want to be with her but I think that our dynamics and the relationship in its present state is preventing the both of us from really deciding what we both want. She talks about the "miracle" that we might get back together but its time to really see if that miracle is possible. Its not like I wont talk to her but I know that people do not miss their well until it runs dry. Today I decided to unplug from the world for a hot second. Tommorow brings a new day, so I will see what is up with that. I expect I will hear from her in the morning. I will answer if called and oblige accordingly. Sometimes you just need to get away so people will know your importance to them. She left a message complaining and asking why havent I called. She asked if I changed my number. Which I hadn't. I just simply cut of the phone. Communication is so important but the lack of communication sometimes is better.

How Im Feeling This Day

You know life is strange. In a few days, if the Lord says the same I will walk across the stage at Toyota Center a college graduate. Today, at church they made the announcement and asked that all who could attend to please do so. It felt good but I must confess its bitter sweet. I started school married and only by the nudging of my then wife. I put in the time and work for my family and yet, now I will do it alone. I explained to my ex-wife that I am happy but really more happy for my mother and father who should have seen this day at least fifteen years ago. I miss her. We are friends but thats no consolation to my heart. I also told her that if she was going to the graduation that she would have to make her way there because I was going to be with my family and the few friends if any that would show. She didn't really understand and I guess she thought about it. How would it look for me to drive my ex-wife to my graduation when she wanted the divorce. It would be uncomfortable for her. So much has happened to me since meeting my wife over seven years ago. Its hard being single. I sometimes feel so alone and it hurts through and through. I wish I could go back to the day I left and not did so. It was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. Yes, I was angry that my wife neglected me. Yes, I was upset that she did not care for me like she should have. I had some "valid" reasons I thought. Yet, now with the pressure of being a good person and trying to please everyone. My mother, my father, my pastor, my church, my school work, my job. Now I am alone in it all. My mom thinks I should celebrate and that I should be happy. Yet, she doesnt know how I feel. I am sad. Happy to graduate and even see another birthday but I am kind of sad. Its going to be a crazy mix of feelings come that day. In all I thank God for allowing me to see this day. Lord comfort and help my heart because its broken in loneliness. Tommorow I meet with my pastor. He wants to talk. I dont know about it. I just know Im emotionally spent in all im going through. I hope its good meeting.