Celebration? Anyone?

Well,

I have lived to see my 40th birthday. Thank God. Tommorow I will be graduating with a bachelor's degree. Life is good. However, I must say that I am not all that happy. Life without my wife of seven years is kind of empty of sorts. I went to school, wrote those papers, did the work, only to wind up by myself. My ex has moved on emotionally. Yes, I still see her but she doesn't cut for me the same. I thought maybe she would have put something together for me, but no. She did give me a card, a card stating how good of a man I was. Yet, not good enough to take back. Its no secret that I am struggling without her fully in my life. Gone are those kisses, and loving, gone are those tight hugs. Strangely enough, I am putting off the inevitable which is fully moving on without her presence. Its hard. I do still love her. People keep telling me that I will find someone right for me. Yet, Its no encouragement based on the way I feel. I am happy for my parents who will see me walk across the stage. Something that probably should have taken place at least 10 to 15 years ago. My daddy who is a college graduate, will be able to say that his son is a college graduate as well. My daughter can say she saw daddy graduate from college. So I am thankful to God for that. Yet, for myself I am not as happy. It is what it is. Tonight I celebrated alone. A steak dinner which I cooked and watched an old movie called The Warriors. I am sadden at the events that have taken place in my life. Yet, God has been good to me. Yes He has. Hopefully, I will be able to enjoy tommorow. I just cant believe I am alone. God told me I would be and its not that I didnt believe Him, its just hard for me to take in some ways. I cant fault my ex for what has befallen me. It is my task and burden to bear. Perhaps someday I can look back and smile, knowing that God blessed me through all the pain; Self inflicted and other wise.