Monday, September 10, 2007
Culture Vs. Commitment
The culture we presently live in is hellish for lack a better word. The culture has a way of influencing one to do and participate in things that are not conducive to a honest to goodness relationship with God. I bring up the culture because on a website I recently visited they said that 70 percent of Black women are single. The family fabric in which Black people live in America has been torn to shreds literally. Black Women are more financially prosperous and devestated more than ever. The contridiction exists primarily because of the lack of Black men and their commitment to family. Divorce in America is over 50 percent. It is said that when White America has a cold, Black America has a pnemonia. So a majority of Black households are headed by a single parent. That parent more often times than not is a Black woman. Women are being deserted and have been forced to take a major role in the raising of Black children. The culture at large has promoted this through media channels. What happened? How has the culture changed the mindset of people? It is tougher to today to afford housing, food and neccessities. More and more people are opting to cohabitate which is a fancy word for shacking. Traditionally, Black people are a conservative socially. Our families are our community and that has been redefined because many Black men are cowards and fearful of commitment. Its easier to be a player and impregnant women than to marry them. Being a Black man I have experienced the ups and downs of cohabitation and marriage. Its demanding, its frustrating, and toxic if one is not of a sound mind. God's plan is for men and women to marry. Yet we see, homosexuals engaging in maritial covenants which is not something God ordained. The culture has moved into a realm of selfishness where people do not follow the commandments of the Lord but the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Black men must return to a higher standard of living by committing fully to children they produce and Black women must support that vision that God Himself ordered. People try to live a secular lifestyle but God never called anyone of us to do so. We must return to God and honor His authority by pursuing His commitment to excellence. It is what it is.
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are the new family role model as cohabitation becomes an American institution. While celebrities living together is nothing new, what is new is that it has gone mainstream, become widely accepted and wildly popular.
Years of condemnation appear to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Instead, most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so opt to live together despite the odds. Now over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless.
Additionally, new studies show that the once negative stigma about cohabitation is changing which helps produce more extensive information about cohabiters and more sophisticated research methods. New findings from a Cornell study show that the odds of divorce among women who married their only cohabiting partner were 28% lower than among women who never cohabited before marriage. Other studies found that women who only cohabited with their husband had lower rates of divorce than women who went straight to marriage.
I think we must “reinvent” and raise our expectations of cohabitation, and our attitudes toward those who decide to live together. There is a commonly held myth that marriage means you will “live happily ever-after.” However, there is no similar assumption of cohabitation other than “it won’t last” which helps create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s time to take a serious and non-judgmental look at cohabitating couples of all ages and help them strengthen and sustain their relationship. Let’s consider finding a new approach to this reality.
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